Values - and the dynamics of whānaungatanga (family)

Or - 'Ack Ack Ack - don't run, we are your friends"!

Ahh the dynamics of whānau (family) - where would we be without a bit of family hustle and bustle, argie bargie, differing views, values and worldviews within a close family setting, guaranteed to raise the blood pressure, alcohol intake and test our wellbeing?

Or maybe you’re not like me/ our whānau and everything is smooth - or - you choose not to participate and say see ya! Hats off to you - how do you do it?

Mars Attacks is a funny, star laden black comedy/ science fiction movie from 1996. And Jack Nicolson’s line as the under siege POTUS - “Why cant we all - just get along…?” has always stuck with me. Now dont get me wrong, our whānau is nothing like this, even though sometimes we may appear to be from different planets. And my Dad did like a bit of country music - yodelling and pedal steel - which in the end defeated the aliens. My how we miss him, our Northstar and thoughtful counsellor.

We cant choose our family is the old expression, but we should always strive to look for ways to get along with one another. So here’s a few things to reflect on.

Kia ora koutou! Jeremy Tunks (JT) here, your humble and aspirational guide through the intricate maze of leadership, digital innovation, creative chaos, and our deep-rooted indigenous wisdom. Today, we’re diving into a topic that's at the heart of many of our interactions and decisions—values. Inspired by a classic line from "Mars Attacks," let’s explore why we sometimes struggle to get along, and how understanding our values can help us navigate these challenges.

Understanding Values in Different Contexts

Values are the guiding principles that shape our behavior and decisions. They differ across various contexts—work, family, and personal relationships. At work, values like integrity, professionalism, and teamwork might be paramount. Within our families, we might prioritize love, support, and loyalty. In personal relationships, honesty, trust, and respect often come to the forefront. Understanding these contexts is crucial because what we value in one setting might differ significantly from another.

Biculturalism and Identity: Navigating Dual Worlds

In Aotearoa (New Zealand), the interplay between Māori and Pākehā cultures adds another layer of complexity. Biculturalism isn't just about coexisting; it's about integrating and respecting both worldviews. Māori values such as manaakitanga (hospitality), whānaungatanga (family connection), and kaitiakitanga (guardianship) often contrast with Western values centered on individualism and efficiency. Navigating these dual worlds requires a deep understanding and respect for both cultures, acknowledging that our identity is shaped by a blend of these influences.

Māori Values and Individual Values: A Harmonious Blend

Māori values emphasize community, respect for elders, and the collective good. Whānaungatanga, or the concept of extended family, is central to this. It’s about building strong, enduring relationships and recognizing our interconnectedness. In contrast, individual values focus on personal growth, autonomy, and self-expression. Balancing these can be challenging but also rewarding. By blending these values, we can create a more harmonious and inclusive environment.

Workplace Values: The Key to a Cohesive Culture

Workplace values often dictate the overall culture of an organization. Values like accountability, innovation, and collaboration are essential for fostering a positive work environment. However, it’s equally important to incorporate values that resonate with a diverse workforce. This means recognizing and integrating the values of different cultures, ensuring that everyone feels valued and respected.

What Are Values and Worldviews?

Values are the core beliefs that drive our actions and decisions. They stem from our worldviews, which are shaped by our cultural, social, and personal experiences. Universal principles like honesty, respect, and kindness are values that transcend cultural boundaries. Personal principles, on the other hand, are more individualized, reflecting our unique experiences and aspirations.

Individual vs. Collective: Finding the Balance

One of the key challenges we face is balancing individual and collective values. While personal growth and autonomy are important, so is our responsibility to the community. This balance is particularly crucial in leadership roles, where decisions impact not just the individual but the collective. By fostering an environment that values both, we can achieve greater harmony and success.

Respect for Elders: Earning and Giving Respect

Respecting our elders is a value deeply ingrained in many cultures, including Māori. However, respect is a two-way street. Elders must also demonstrate behaviors that earn respect, such as wisdom, fairness, and integrity. Balancing respect for tikanga Māori (customs and traditions) with individual rights can be challenging. Tikanga Māori provides a strong cultural framework, but it's important to acknowledge and respect the autonomy and identity of individuals within this framework. This is particularly relevant for our rangatahi (youth), who may have varying degrees of connection to their culture. Those who have come through the kura kaupapa Māori (Māori immersion schools) often have a strong sense of identity and confidence. In contrast, those who did not have this upbringing might face different challenges. Recognizing and honoring these differences while fostering mutual respect can strengthen community bonds and ensure that values are passed down through generations.

Crafting Your Own Values and Principles

Creating your own set of values and principles is a personal journey. It involves reflecting on what truly matters to you and how you want to live your life. Here are some steps to get started:

• Reflect on Your Experiences: Consider the moments that have shaped you and the lessons you've learned.

• Identify Your Core Beliefs: What are the non-negotiables in your life? These are your core values.

• Align with Universal Principles: Ensure your values resonate with universal principles like respect and kindness.

• Incorporate Cultural Values: Integrate values from your cultural background to enrich your perspective.

• Live by Your Values: Consistently practice your values in everyday actions and decisions.

Aligning Values Across Different Contexts

Aligning values across family, work, and personal relationships can be challenging but essential for cohesive living. Here are some strategies:

• Family: Prioritize values that promote unity and support, such as love, trust, and loyalty. These create a strong foundation for healthy relationships.

• Work: Foster a culture of integrity, teamwork, and respect. Encourage open communication and recognition of diverse perspectives to build a cohesive environment.

• Relationships: Maintain honesty, respect, and mutual understanding. Balance individual needs with the needs of the relationship to create a harmonious dynamic.

Pragmatism vs. Theoretical Values

Situational dynamics often call for a balance between pragmatism and theoretical values. For instance, in a work crisis, pragmatic values like efficiency and decisiveness might take precedence over theoretical values such as inclusivity. Understanding the context and being flexible with our values can help navigate such situations effectively.

Safety vs. Opportunity: Navigating Situational Realities

Balancing the need for safety with the pursuit of opportunity is another critical aspect of values. In times of uncertainty, values that prioritize safety, such as caution and preparedness, might be more relevant. Conversely, during periods of growth, values that encourage taking opportunities, like innovation and risk-taking, become essential.

Situational Reality vs. Idealism

Idealism is important for setting goals and aspirations, but situational realities often require a more grounded approach. Balancing these can involve setting realistic expectations while striving for ideal outcomes. This means recognizing the limitations of a situation and adjusting our values accordingly.

Needs of Individual vs. Needs of Collective

Certain situations might necessitate prioritizing the needs of the collective over the individual, or vice versa. For example, during a team project, collective success might take precedence over individual preferences. Conversely, personal development activities might require focusing on individual needs. Finding this balance is key to maintaining harmony and effectiveness.

Concern for Self vs. Concern for Others

Balancing self-concern with concern for others is crucial for healthy relationships. Values like empathy, compassion, and self-respect can help navigate this balance. It’s about ensuring that while we care for others, we also take care of ourselves to maintain overall well-being.

Navigating Family Struggles: The Unchosen Bonds

We can’t choose our family, but we can look for ways to get along with each other. Family dynamics can be complex, and conflicts are inevitable. Here are some strategies to navigate these struggles:

• Communication: Open and honest communication is vital. Share your feelings and listen to others.

• Empathy: Try to understand the perspectives of your family members. Empathy can bridge gaps and foster understanding.

• Boundaries: Establishing healthy boundaries can prevent conflicts and ensure respect for individual space.

• Compromise: Be willing to compromise and find common ground. It’s about balancing individual needs with the needs of the family.

• Forgiveness: Letting go of past grievances and practicing forgiveness can heal relationships and strengthen family bonds.

Process vs. Practicality

Food for thought: "When you're working with professionals, you will always find a solution. But when you have to deal with amateurs, you need process."

This thought-provoking statement highlights the importance of having structured processes when working with individuals who may lack the experience or expertise to navigate complex situations. In contexts where customers don’t know what they want, business partners can’t agree on responsibilities, or team members aren’t sure when something is "safe enough to try," having a clear process becomes essential. This ensures that everyone is aligned and can move forward effectively, even if the individuals involved are not yet fully proficient.

Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic: Lessons from Stoicism

For the Stoics, our salvation lies not in the outside world, which we can’t control, but in the internal one, which we can. “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters,” said Epictetus. We can’t control the fates of our loved ones or the physical decay of our own bodies, but we can control how we feel about such things by changing the way we think about them. Moderating how we feel is core to Stoicism because, of all the distractions we can do something about, the greatest is unwelcome emotions. Fear, rage, and hate often harm us more than the things themselves. “We suffer not from the events in our lives but from our judgments about them,” Epictetus also said. And as Seneca pointed out, “We suffer more in imagination than in reality.” These insights remind us that intrinsic values, like inner peace and resilience, often hold more significance than extrinsic circumstances.

Further Reading and Thought Leaders

• Stephen Covey: Author of "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People," Covey’s work emphasizes the importance of aligning personal and organizational values.

• Brene Brown: Known for her research on vulnerability and leadership, Brown explores how values like courage and empathy can transform personal and professional relationships.

• Simon Sinek: His book "Start With Why" delves into the importance of understanding our core values to inspire and lead effectively.

• Research on Māori Values: The work of Dr. Linda Tuhiwai Smith on decolonizing methodologies provides valuable insights into the integration of indigenous values in modern contexts.

• Harvard Business Review: Articles on organizational culture and values offer practical strategies for aligning personal and professional values.

"He aha te mea nui o te ao? He tāngata, he tāngata, he tāngata."

(What is the most important thing in the world? It is people, it is people, it is people.)

This whakataukī emphasizes the centrality of people and relationships in our lives. It serves as a reminder that our values, actions, and decisions should always prioritize the well-being and respect of others, reflecting the essence of whānaungatanga and the interconnectedness of our community.

Conclusion: Embracing Whānaungatanga

In the end, understanding and embracing our values is key to fostering better relationships and a more cohesive community. Whānaungatanga teaches us the importance of connection, respect, and collective well-being. By aligning our personal, cultural, and universal values, we can navigate the complexities of life with integrity and respect, ultimately getting along better with those around us.

So, as we explore these themes together, let’s remember the essence of mana—empowerment, respect, and mutual growth. Here at "M2M - Mana 2 Mana - JT," we’re not just talking the talk; we’re living it, sharing it, and growing together. Kia kaha - - Mauri Ora ki a koutou!